Wednesday, May 25, 2011


New content is looooong overdue here, so I'm gonna let you know what's been going on. Since my last post I have started classes at the local community college, finished those classes, figured out what I'm going to do with my life, and decided on the schools I'll need to attend to reach that goal. I've decided to become a cosmetologist, nurse esthetician, laser technician, and whatever else falls into that. Going to two different schools. Hoping for the South West Institute for Natural Aesthetics, and the Carsten Aveda institute. SWINA offers natural and clinical aesthetic curriculum, as well as laser tech courses, and massage shit. So I'll learn every trick of the trade. I'll have like 12 back up options. >> Going to do Carsten Aveda first, as they guarantee job placement, and I'll need to pay off the federal loan I'll probably have to get to afford the courses. Until I start at Carsten, I need to find a job. But since I have ugly purple faded hair, I needed dye. Dilemma for one without a job, and thusly no money. But I did some work on mturk and got enough amazon gift card cash to get some dye shipped to me. So I'm awaiting the delivery of the dye and preparing myself for the upcoming rabid hunt for a job. At the same time, I feel a lot of tension in the house, as my mom is upset I don't already have a job. Dunno what she expects me to do right this minute, but I'm apparently not doing it. I've been keeping the house clean, even my own room, and doing every little chore I can find, but she still gets pissed about every little thing. She pulled a bunch of her old nasty leftovers out of the fridge and left them on the counter for a day, got pissed when I didn't scrape out the moldy content and throw it out, decided it'd be a good idea to put it all in the freezer instead of get rid of HER trash HERSELF. Apparently I am responsible for her mess as well as my own. I threw her shit out without complaint after her tantrum, and even offered to make her brownies afterward. Today she seems pissy again. I heard her muttering something about me as she was leaving at 8pm. Where does she go? She's sure as hell not getting groceries, I've been drinking tea instead of eating for days now. (It was part of our agreement that while I am going to school to prepare myself that she would provide shelter and sustenance.) And she's not working, as A. it's too fucking late, and B. there IS no work to be done. I might add to this that we live off of her checks from the government, and it barely covers rent and utilities. She hasn't bothered to find new work, since her job has run dry and fired everyone, yet I'm open to criticism on the same subject. She talks of finding a job, but never takes the steps to follow through. However, I am continuously hounded and degraded for not having something, though It has been only a month tops since I have finished school, I obviously am not in hireable condition (which she could help to fix for the price of a $5 bottle of hair dye), and I can't fucking get to sleep at night, effectively putting a stop to any dreams of being awake during the day. I could complain for hours about my relationship with my mother. On the other hand, things with Chris are great. There was an incident involving another girl (who turned out to be a stalker that has been fucking with him and his family for four years now, and is underage none the less) who lives in Alaska, claiming to also be dating him. She also referred me to another girl, whom he was "facebook official" with, at a time when I wasn't aware he had a facebook. That was actually pretty fucked, but after his explanation, I was willing to forgive it. This girl also lived in Florida, so it's not a big deal to me. That took some time to get over, but I feel confident now that this has been resolved. Hmm, what else? I got in touch with my dad on Christmas. I only had one phone number for him, and it was his mother's, which is where he was living when he first moved back to Oregon, over 4 years ago. Since then he had moved out, met a woman, and decided to marry her. I had no idea if the number I had would yield helpful, but I called anyway, just happened that it was Christmas, and he had been visiting for the first time in months. I told him I was sorry for breaking up his and my mother's marriage, to which he seemed flabberghasted, at the thought of me feeling responsible for that. He alleviated much of the guilt I felt for the event, and I told him I loved him, and that he had a huge, great influence on me, and I wanted to keep him in my life, as well as my sister and brother, Micah and Leah, whom I still haven't heard from. He said Leah seemed excited to talk to me, and she has a 1 year old son and husband. He said he gave her my email and phone number, but I haven't heard from her. My dad's getting re-married in August, and I haven't heard from him since... March at the latest. HE told me to save the date, as he wanted me there, but I dunno what's going on with that. There's no way I could get a plane ticket, and if I did go, I'd want to bring Chris, so he could meet him. I told my dad this is who I'm going to marry, and showed him a picture. He was happy for me. I haven't sent an email to him in a while though, been too distracted. It's a mutual kind of "we're busy, we'll talk when we talk" thing, I hope.

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